Can you body-shame a baby?

We know it happens to adults all the time. Celebrities always fall victim to body-critics. Your average everyday person is not safe from body-shaming either. Lately, we’ve been seeing a lot of mom-shaming or parent-shaming. The recent news story about the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla and child who fell into the enclosure is the latest example. Everyone just seems to have an opinion about everything. We’re all entitled to our own opinions, but why do we shamelessly (pun intended) assert these opinions without any regard for compassion or just understanding?

Shame, shame, shame. That’s what I have to say to the people who find it funny to body-shame my baby. He’s almost two and I’m certain he doesn’t understand your poking fun and making jokes about his body, but body image forms at some point and it is influenced by many things and people just like you. I certainly understand though and I find it rude and hurtful. People might say that I should grow some thicker skin or to stop being so sensitive, but these are probably the same people who would poke fun and laugh with each other. People love to comment about how chubby or tiny babies are. Parents love to one-up each other by trading growth chart stats after well-baby visits. I read an article awhile back about a baby being fat-shamed and I realize through my own experience that babies are skinny-shamed too.

This past weekend, we were at a family birthday party. When you come from a large family, you can expect to attend lots of parties and family gatherings. You can also be sure to find yourself (or your kids) being compared to the other kids. I grew up with a lot of cousins, many around my age and a good deal younger and older too. My generation is now having our own kids, and thus our kids will grow up with cousins around their age too. I don’t know if it’s just my own family or if it’s inevitable and happens in every family, but there is some kind of unspoken competition between the members of each generation—between siblings, between their kids, between their kids’ kids. Why?

The time-old saying goes “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It is. For both the comparer and the subject of comparison. I think humans innately make comparisons on many levels. It does serve a purpose and helps us make sense of the world, but why do we do it when it’s unproductive and doesn’t add value to anything? I don’t know the answer to that, but I just wish people would stop making these unnecessary comparisons. They often lead to unnecessary comments and jokes at the expense of an unsuspecting target.

He looks like those starving African babies with those big heads and skinny bodies! He looks like a homeless person who doesn’t have any food to eat. *Loud cackling* Tyler, eat! You’re too skinny! Look at how your cousins eat! Look at those rolls! Nom, nom nom! You’re so skinny!

Not sure that there is anything funny about starving African babies or homeless people…Also not sure how the comparison to my child is funny or applicable either, other than the fact that he looks famished in your opinion. But really, just stop it. Please.

Much like the mothers of those starving African babies, I’ve lost many hours of sleep and spent nights worrying about my child. Does he get enough to eat? Is he getting enough nutrition? Is he growing or just slipping farther and farther off the growth charts? Mealtime, which is something I always look forward to myself is a huge chore now and the biggest parenting challenge I face. It’s not enjoyable to feed my son anymore. Sometimes I have to make three different breakfasts because he doesn’t want to eat the first thing I give him. Sometimes after trying and trying, pleading, using distraction methods, anything and everything, I just have to settle for 3 bites of bread and a sip of milk as his breakfast.

Sometimes I find myself giving in to the comments and comparisons and wondering why isn’t my child like his cousins? Why can’t he be the quintessential chubby child? Why can’t he just eat more and devour any and everything I put in front of him? But then I catch myself and I stop. When everyone else feels the need to reduce him to the little body that he is and just focus so much on his smaller size, they are forgetting or failing to see that he may be little, but he is fierce. He is so smart and curious. His memory is so sharp and he remembers everything. And I mean everything–the not-so-nice swear words I unthinkingly let slip, the names of our favorite athletes, what pandas eat. He is active, coordinated, and daring. And he’s so funny and sweet and empathetic. He is perfect the way he is and he is the biggest bundle of joy contained in the little body you see.

Positive body image from the start is important and I don’t ever want my children to feel uncomfortable in the skin they’re in. My ranting is less about fat- or skinny-shaming, but more about being mindful and understanding. I remember learning the difference between empathy and sympathy in a high school English class. Empathy is your ability to understand and feel someone else’s feelings. Sympathy is the ability to feel compassion for someone else without necessarily feeling the same way. We may or may not know the struggles and the battles that other people are fighting, but if we could all be a little more sympathetic, embracing, and aware, the world would be a nicer place. People come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. That’s what makes the world so great. Variety is the spice of life. We should remember that and be a little more understanding, and if not, then at least respectful of what we see, and what we don’t outwardly see.

♡